I came around the corner to the head of the attic stairs and saw Virgil picking up a stack of boxes. 

“Virgil!” I said again. He looked up, startled, and pulled an ear bud out of his ear.

“What?”

“You scared me half to death! I was calling for you and you didn’t answer and then I heard a thud!” I said, and I realized I was crying.

“Hey.” He closed the distance between us, taking my face in his hands. He wiped away the tears streaming down my cheeks. “I’m okay. I’m fine, it was just a box of christmas lights. I was just putting those packages up here out of the way.”

I put my arms around him, hugging him close to me.

“I would have done it,” I said. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy.”

“It was a couple of boxes,” he said.

“I heard that thud, Virgil, I thought you-”

“I’m fine,” he said again, a little testily this time. “I’m not made of glass, Ella. I’m not going to break.” He wheezed a little bit. “I’m fine.” he repeated when I put my hand on his arm.

This behavior wasn’t like my Virgil. He was a mild, sensitive man most of the time. Though he did have a temper. I had seen it. The night a man tried to break into my apartment, Virgil had beaten him to a pulp. That was years ago though, and circumstances of that had been very different. He leaned on the window sill and looked out into the backyard.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment.

I sighed. I didn’t know what to say or do. I only knew that I was so terrified of losing him that every deep breath, every bump in the night, everything made me feel like this was it, this was the moment that I would lose everything.

We stood there in silence for a long time, before he finally took my hand and we went downstairs together. We went to our bedroom, where we sat on the bed facing one another. He heaved a deep sigh.

“You’re sure you’re not regretting hitching your wagon to this old horse?”

“If you keep on asking me, I might be, but no, I love you and I love the life you’ve given me. I’m very happy here, and I’m very happy with you. Even if every creature in this house loves you more than me.” I said, watching Cat Benetar leap lightly onto his lap and rub her face against Virgil’s scraggly beard.

“Bout time for a shave, huh?” He asked, patting her.

“You are a little scruffy,” I teased.

“I might take a nap. I don’t think I slept very well last night.”

“No, you didn’t,” I said before I could stop myself.

“I kept you awake?”

“It’s fine.”

“I can sleep in the spare room-”

 “Not on your life.” I told him. “I spent enough nights with an empty bed.”

“If you’re sure.”

“About you? Always.” He gave me a little smile.

“I don’t know what to do with myself,” he admitted. “I want to go to work, get back to normal.”

“I’m sure you do,” I said softly. “But you are on orders to stay home and take it easy, so that’s what you’re going to do.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said. “Will you lay down with me?” He asked. “No funny business.”

“Doctor’s orders,” I said. “No funny business.”

He slipped off his jeans and got ready to climb into bed, but the sight of a massive purple bruise on his thigh caught my eye.

“How’d you do that?” I gasped.

He glanced down at it, and his eyes widened. 

“No idea… The doctor did say there might be bruising as a side effect from the blood thinners. Jesus, I didn’t even feel it.” He climbed into bed and I tried not to make a big deal out of things but it only added to the growing feeling of worry in my stomach. Virgil had to be okay. He had to be okay because if it wasn’t, I was going to fall apart.

I shucked my own pants and climbed into bed with him. He wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m sorry for scaring you earlier, I guess I’m going to have to get used to doing things a little differently, it’s a lot of change for an old dog.”

“I’m sorry I yelled.” I conceded. “I was scared.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“We’ll get through it.” I said softly. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I awoke later to the sound of Michelle getting into bed with us.

“Oof, hey baby girl.”

“Hi Mama, hi Daddy,” she said, getting under the covers between us.

“How was school?”

“It was okay. We didn’t get to have recess today because a bunch of kids wouldn’t stop talking.”

“Bummer.” I said. “What are you studying this week? Are you learning about pilgrims for thanksgiving?”

“No, I’m not in the first grade Mama. We’re learning about the Louisiana Purchase.”

“I see.” I said. “I shouldn’t expect any Thanksgiving crafts this year? No hand turkeys?” I teased her, tickling her a bit. She giggled.

“No,” she said.

“She’s a serious scholar now,” Virgil joked. “Come on baby girl, Mama and Daddy need to get up and get dressed.”

“Do you want to talk into town and have dinner at the diner? Show everyone in town you live?” I asked him. “Or I can drive us.”

“I can walk.” Virgil said.

“If you’re sure.”

 “We’ll go slow.”

“Mm, I do like it when you go slow.”

“Hey, none of that,” he said, swatting my butt. “13 more days.” 

I chuckled, pulling on some jeans and a warm pullover. After Michelle finished her homework, we walked down to town in the early twilight.

Word had gotten around town -as it always did- about Virgil, and Aubrey fawned all over him when we arrived at the diner. After a few minutes, her husband Joe walked into the diner and clapped him on the shoulder before scooping him up into a big bear hug. Several other members of town came in and out, including Lucille Shockley, the postmistress, and Devola’s husband, Evan Shockley, no close relation.

After dinner, we walked back home, and Virgil was breathless by the time we got up the front steps. Even though he insisted he was fine, I was worried to death. I made him sit on the couch while I cleaned up the mud and melted snow in the mudroom. Michelle read to him again for a while. He nodded off while she did, but he jerked awake a few minutes later. He seemed fine, but I watched him like a hawk. I couldn’t shake the anxious feeling in my stomach, no matter how hard I tried.

Around 9, Michelle went to bed and Virgil and I sat on the couch watching TV. He stroked my hair as I lay in the warm nook between his arm and his ribcage. 

“I’ve never been so tired in my life as I have been the last few days.”

“It’s your body’s way of telling you to slow down, I guess.” I rationalized. “Or maybe not being able to sleep in the hospital catching up with you. Maybe you weren’t ready to walk all the way to town. Maybe a combination.”

“You’re probably right, but it could be my age catching up with me.” I hugged him tight.

“It’s been bothering you,” I sighed. “I wish I knew how to help you.”

“I never thought I had a problem getting older until I got older,” he said, but his tone was humorless. “I wish I had met you when I was in my 20s. I wish I wasn’t going to be 70 when Michelle graduates college. I probably won’t get to dance with her at her wedding, or see my grandkids, and I could push those thoughts out of my mind when I was feeling like myself, when I was feeling strong. I felt invincible for most of our marriage, but now…”

“Oh Virgil,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me, too.” He let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry you fell in love with such a miserable old coot.”

“You were a much younger miserable coot when I fell in love with you.” I chuckled.

“I was pretty miserable back then wasn’t I?”

“You came around pretty quick.”

“That was all you,” he said, kissing my forehead. “You’ve made me very happy, Ella, I hope you know that.”

“You’ve made me very happy, too. You’ve done a good job at making sure Michelle and I know how loved we are.” I assured him.

“You’re a good woman,” he squeezed me and kissed me again.

“I’m all right,” I teased.

“Yeah, yeah,” he chuckled. I was glad to see his mood lighten. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

We went up to the bed then and once we were settled beneath the covers, he wrapped his arm around me again.

“13 more days,” he whispered coyly.

“But who’s counting?”

“I am,” he muttered.

“I am, too.” I rolled over to face him. He kissed me softly, but the kiss built in intensity and soon I was pulling away from him before the baser part of my brain took over. “Mm, don’t, you’re going to get me all riled up. Then I’ll want to get you all riled up.”

“Knowing you’re all riled up gets me all riled up,” he said. “But I’ll stop.”

I sighed, but I kissed him again, and then snuggled into his arms.

Sleep came a little easier that night, but sometime in the middle of the night Virgil woke me as he got up and went to the bathroom. I heard him flush, wash his hands, and then ease out of the bedroom, down the hall to Michelle’s room.

I sat up and looked at the clock. It was nearly 5:30, so I got up, pulling my bathrobe around me. I found him leaning against the door frame of her bedroom, looking in on her sleeping. Michelle was a heavy sleeper. She still slept with a dim nightlight, and the organey glow illuminated her peaceful face.

“We sure made one great and beautiful kid,” he whispered, putting his arm around me and pulling me close.

“She’s all you,” I said.

“She’s got your smile,” he said. “Your tenacity. Your brains. Your freckles.” I smiled softly, looking down on her.

“I only see you when I look at her, your nose, your curls, your eyes, your quiet disposition.” I said. 

He smiled back at me, and then we went downstairs together.

“I guess we should take a look at our finances and see if I can retire.”

“We’ll be fine, the house and cars are paid off, “

“Baby Girl’s college fund won’t get much bigger, though.”

“We’ll make it work.” I said. 

“I’m serious Ella, I want to make sure the two of you are taken care of.”

“I know,” I said. “I don’t really want to think about it. But I suppose we should talk about it.” I said softly. “I agree.”

Virgil nodded. He sighed and went to sit on the couch. I wished that I could do something for him, but I knew he was going to just have to work through it. After I made up some tea, I went to sit down with him.

“The doctor gave me a therapist’s number, maybe I’ll give them a call.”

“Wouldn’t be a bad idea,” I agreed. “I’m not really sure how to help you through this, but I can see you’re struggling with it.”

“Just you being here helps me.” I smiled wanly.

“You know what I mean,”

“I do,” he said. “Maybe I’ll give them a call once the sun’s up, proper.”

I nodded, and sipped my coffee. The morning was cold, and the windows were fogged over, and as the gray dawn gave way to morning, I could see it was snowing again.

“I think we’ll have a white Christmas,” Virgil said. “Generally when we get this much snow this early in the year, we have one.”

“That’ll be lovely,” I said.

“I suppose I ought to call Bill and Frank today, too.” He groaned. “I am not looking forward to that.” Frank was prone to being just a little dramatc at times, and I could see Virgil wasn’t in the mood for it. He paused. “Do you mind if we take Baby Girl to school this morning instead of sending her off with the Fitzgeralds?”

“Sure,” I said. “Do you just want to get out of the house?”

“Yeah, and then I’d like to ride down to Bell City if you’re free.”

“You know I am.” I smiled softly. “What for?”

“Nothing in particular, I’d like to just spend the day in town with my wife.” He squeezed my

 knee. “I’ll go get dressed.” He got up and went back upstairs. I watched him go, wondering what he was up to.

Bell City wasn’t much of a city, but it was bigger than LaCera, and boasted a Walmart and a Target. Virgil wasn’t much of a shopper, but he would often tag along with me to keep me company. It wasn’t like him to suggest a trip himself. Maybe he did really just want to get out of the house. I sighed, and finished my coffee before I went upstairs to get dressed myself.

After Michelle was dropped off at school, we headed into Bell City. As we came into town, I asked him where to go and he directed me to Target. We went inside, and he just wandered up and down the aisle, with no real purpose.

After a while, he laced his fingers through mine and headed over to the in store coffee shop. He ordered a lemonade for himself, and one of my favorite specialty drinks for me.

 “Did you ask to come here just so I could get a fancy coffee?”

“No,” he lied badly. “I wanted to look around.”

“Virgil-”

“I just wanted to get out of the house,’ he shrugged, but he wasn’t convincing. I decided to hazard a guess.

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere, I don’t miss big city living. You are stuck with me.” I told him. “You know that, right?”

“I know,” he said, but there was something in his voice that made me pause and look at him.

“You got your hooks in me deep, Virgil, I hope you’re not thinking that I would leave you.”

“I do worry, not that you’ll leave me, not really, because I know you would never do it… but that you might want to,” he sighed. “I can’t shake the feeling that I’m too old for you.”

“It’s 9 years.” I said softly. “Not thirty-nine.”

“I know, rationally I know that, but I look in the mirror and see all this gray hair and these wrinkles and I see you looking just as fine as you did when you first came to LaCera, and I see how men, young men, look at you.”

“How do they look at me?”

“Like a snack.”

“A snack? You’ve got to stop watching those tween shows with Michelle.” I chuckled. “I’m all yours, forever.”

He nodded, but his eyes were still troubled.

“Do you want to do anything else while we’re in town?”

“Nothing in particular, I really did just want to get out of the house, and get you that caffeinated dessert.” Now he did smile a little.

“I love you,” I said, lacing my fingers through his. “Forever.”

 “I love you forever, too.” he said.

We went to some of the other stores in the strip mall across from Target. I bought a new pair of shoes from the shoe store. Virgil looked around the second hand store for something he could take apart and fix up. He loved to take things apart.

As I drove his truck home, I asked him a thought I’d had many times over the years but have never wanted to verbalize.

“Did you become a mechanic because Jen got pregnant?” I asked. Jen was Virgil’s first wife. They had gotten together as teenagers and she had gotten pregnant. She lost the baby and eventually they divorced. We rarely spoke of her, but now and then I would get curious.

“I suppose.”

“What do you think you might have done if she hadn’t?”

“I dunno, I was planning to go to college, but I hadn’t picked a major.” He shrugged. “Maybe mechanical engineering.”

“You’re good at fixing things,” I agreed. I left it there.

“What made you ask?”

“I’ve wondered off and on for years,” I explained. “I just never felt right bringing it up, I didn’t want you to think that I thought there was anything wrong with you being a mechanic, because I don’t.” I told him.

“I see,” he said softly.

We rode the rest of the way in silence. Cat Benetar was waiting for Virgil when we got home, weaving her sleek, silky body around his legs as we came in.

“You okay?” I asked him.

“Yeah, just short of breath, like always,” he muttered. “I hope that goes away soon.”

“I’m sure it will, it’s only been a few days.” I consoled him.

“Don’t remind me, that just makes me think about how many more days until I can ravish you again,” he chuckled. I was glad to hear him joking.

“Mr. Baker, what will the neighbors think?”

“We don’t have any neighbors,”

Now I chuckled. “We should have picked up something for dinner while we were out.”

“We’ll get something from Aubrey’s.”

“Do you feel up for the walk?”

“I’ll take a nap, and if I don’t, you can pull me in Baby Girl’s wagon.” I laughed. When Michelle was small, we had pulled her to town in an old wagon Virgil had picked up at some scrap heap and fixed up for her, sanding away the rust, painting it a glossy pink and stenciling her name on the side in glow in the dark paint.

“You’re a good dad,” I whispered to him.

“She’s a good kid, and you’re a good mom, so it’s been easy.”

“I mean it.” I told him. “You’re a really great dad.”

“Thanks.” He smiled, and then kissed me. “I am going to take that nap, though.”

“Okay,” I said. “Love you.

“Love you.”

While he napped, I checked my email.

Hello Ms. Baker, 

I hope this email finds you well, and I hope you don’t mind my forwardness in reaching out to you. Our mutual acquaintance, Mel Brown, told me all about your book, Love Letters to LaCera, and how you wound up falling in love with the town, moving there, and getting married and starting a family. I’m intrigued by your story, and I was wondering if you would be interested in participating in an anthology series about small town romances. 

I wanted to read on but my eyes couldn’t help dart down to the signature line:

Melanie Jerad

Green Grass Publishing

My breath caught in my throat. Green Grass was a major publishing house. I owned several books they had put out in the last few years. And they were reaching out to me?

I read on, the details said that they were interested in a short story about my life in LaCera marriage, with the potential for it to be a full standalone novel one day. If I was interested. IF I WAS INTERESTED.

I had always been a writer, but it was my pictures that I was most well known for. I wasn’t sure if the prose would be strong enough to stand on its own. While photojournalism had been a hobby it was how I paid the bills. When Mel, my former boss at The Globe, had retired, I had stepped into the editor role so I could be home with Michelle more. Apart from my journals, I was pretty out of practice… But I loved writing.

I sighed. The timing wasn’t great, and while Virgil had always been supportive of everything I did, I wasn’t sure how he would feel about the details of our marriage being on display. We had a good marriage, but even good marriages have things they don’t want put on display. I took a deep breath.

Ms. Jerad,

I am very interested in the prospect of writing something for you. I’m very flattered that you reached out to me. However, I’m in the middle of some complicated family dealings. I am not sure what your timeline on this is, but if possible, could I give you my answer in a few weeks?

Thanks,

Ella Baker 

Hopefully she would be amenable to that. I bit my lip, hoping I hadn’t just blown an opportunity. I sat at the computer for a long time before I heard Michelle come in from school.

“Hey Baby Girl,” I said in a low voice, meeting her in the kitchen.

“Where’s Daddy?” she asked immediately.

“He’s taking a nap, he’ll be up soon. We’re going to eat at the diner again tonight I think.” I told her. “So go get your homework done. Come get me if you want help.” I told her softly.

I puttered around the house for a while, and then I heard Virgil get up. He showered and then came downstairs. He gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead, then went to find Michelle in the kitchen, doing her homework at the kitchen table. He sat with her and helped her through her math problems. I felt a little pang, knowing Michelle would have never asked me for help with it.

After she finished, it was starting to get dark, and we bundled up and headed into town. Virgil put his hand in mine as we went. In days past, he would have hoisted Michelle up on his shoulders, but he thankfully seemed to understand his limits and didn’t try. 

As we came into town, the christmas light twinkled merrily on every building and strung across the street. It was hard to feel anything but cheerful as we made our way into the diner.

“Hello you three,” Aubrey said as we sat down. She chatted with us for a bit and then took our orders. I sat there, smiling as Virgil and Michelle looked at the word search on the paper placemat in front of them.

My heart was so full of love for them both.