Very early the next morning, the phone rang again.

“Baker’s Towing.” Virgil answered sleepily. He jotted down notes on his little pad and then heaved a big sigh.

“Why,” he grumbled as he got up. “Does everyone feel the need to get up and go galavanting around in the middle of the night when the weather is bad? Why can’t they just stay home?”

I bit my lip to keep from giggling.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he whispered to me once he was dressed. “I love you.”

“Love you,” I whispered back. He kissed me softly and then went off. I tried to fall back to sleep but to no avail. I wasn’t surprised, I could never really get back to sleep when he was on a call. I eventually got up and made myself some tea. I looked outside and felt dismayed. It had warmed up a little during the night and the snow had turned to freezing rain. Everything was coated in a fresh sheen of ice. Virgil could handle his rig in all kinds of weather, I had seen him do it, but I would worry until he was home again with me.

CB came slinking out of whatever place she had been curled up sleeping and wailed for her breakfast. 

“The Chosen One has gone to work again,” I told her as I filled her food dish. She purred as she crunched on her dry nuggets of food. I stood at the front window, sipping my tea and watching for Virgil as the morning turned from dark gray to light gray.

I picked at some dry cereal and then once again tried to find things to occupy my mind. I cleaned the living room and kitchen again, even though they didn’t really need it. I sat down in the living room with a book, but I read the same paragraph about 8 times before I finally set it aside and stared out the window.

Around 8:30, I heard a car pull into the driveway. I flew to the window. It wasn’t Virgil. It was Sheriff Randy Mason. My heart dropped in my stomach. I had the door open before he made it up the front steps.

“Hello Mrs. Baker,” he said grimly.

“What can I do for you, Sheriff?”

“I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but Virgil’s been taken to the hospital down in Bell City. I’ve come to take you down there.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know much; dispatch said he keeled over digging someone out of the mud. Motorist called 911, and they took him to Bell City Memorial.” Sheriff Mason said.

I was pulling on my coat and boots as he spoke.

“Let’s go.” I said, not bothering with my purse or even my house keys. I did have my phone, and as we got on the road, I realized someone would need to be home when Michelle got there.

With shaking hands, I called Devola.

“Devola.” My voice was flat, defeated.

“What’s wrong, Ella?”

 “Virgil’s in the hospital.”

“Oh god, what happened?”

“I don’t know much yet but listen, I need to ask a favor of you.”

“Anything.”

“Michelle’s coming home from her friend’s house this afternoon.” Tears were coming to my eyes. “Would you mind watching her?”

“No, I’ll head over there shortly.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Call me with any news.”

“Please don’t tell Michelle what happened, just tell her Mama and Daddy had to take a trip, I… I…“ My words died in my throat.

“I won’t tell her,” Devola promised. “I’ll take her back to my place and we’ll hang out.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, I’m praying for Virgil.”

I hung up and stared out the window for a moment. I couldn’t fully process what was happening and my brain was operating on autopilot. Michelle was taken care of for the moment. I found myself dialing Zaira next.

“It’s early, so someone had better be dead,” she grumbled.

“Zaira, Virgil’s in the hospital.”

“Oh god, Ella, I’m so sorry,” she said. “What happened?”

I told her what I knew.

“I’m on my way.”

“Don’t, the roads are terrible.”

“I’ll be fine. Where’s the hospital?”

“Bell City.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

I rode the rest of the way in silence, picking at a bit of dried skin along the edge of my fingernail until my finger was sore and bleeding a little. I looked out the window at the ominous gray sky and the dirty slushy road. We pulled up to the hospital, and I ran inside, unsure of whether or not the sheriff would wait for me, how I would get home with no purse or keys. The administrator at the front desk told me to have a seat and that someone would be out to talk to me soon.

After what felt like an eternity, a woman in scrubs appeared.

“I’m Dr. Brooks,” she said. “I’m sorry we’re meeting like this, Mrs. Baker. Your husband sustained a very mild myocardial infarction,” she explained. “A mild heart attack,” she qualified. My hand flew to my mouth and fresh tears came to my eyes. “It’s very serious, but your husband was very lucky. It was mild,” she repeated. “He was fortunately very close to Bell City General and got here very quickly, and we were able to treat him very quickly.”

“How is he? When can I see him?” I begged.

“He’s doing well, and you’ll be able to see him shortly,” she went on. “We’ll talk more about his treatment plan over the next few days, but to start with he’s going on a regime of blood thinners. We’re going to keep him here for a few days… just to monitor him, then he can come home. He’ll need to take it easy for a while.” She said this last part very sternly. “I mean it. Something I see a lot with men his age is that they don’t want to slow down.”

“Will he have to retire?”

“Your husband is in amazing shape for his age, Mrs. Baker, but he’ll need to stop digging people out of ditches. He can continue an active lifestyle, but he’s going to have to cut back on the heavy lifting.”

I nodded.

“If you’ll wait here, I’ll send someone out to come get you when he’s ready for visitors.”

“Thank you,” I said, wiping away a tear. I sat back on the edge of the chair and waited.

I had to wait an agonizing while before I was taken back to see Virgil. He was laying in the bed with his eyes closed, and he was so pale he looked gray. He opened his eyes when he heard me approach.

“Hey you,” he said weakly.

“Hey you,” I said tearfully. I grasped his hand. “ “How are you feeling?”

He slowly lifted his hand to my cheek, cupping it against his palm. He rubbed a tear away with his thumb.

“Pretty lousy,” he said with a small smile. “But better now that you’re here.”

“I love you,” I said, gently moving closer so I could hug him carefully, trying not to disturb the equipment and wires around him.

“I love you, too,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Getting old.”

“Oh Virgil…” I said. “Don’t apologize for that. Don’t you even think about that right now.”

He sighed.

“Dr. Brooks said you’re in amazing shape.” I went on, trying to steer him away from a topic that I knew was just going to upset him.

“She told me,” he said. “Then she told me I was going to need to slow down in the same breath.”

“Well, she’s right. No one should work as hard as you do.” I repeated my words from the night before. “We can talk about it once you get home, but maybe you should think about retiring.”

“I’m not even 60.”

“Well, maybe not full retirement, but from the heavy lifting.” I said. He said nothing. “We’ll talk later.” I repeated.

“How did you get here? I know you didn’t drive your damn Bug up here.” he changed the subject. 

I smiled. He hated my Volkswagen Bug. He had rebuilt the engine twice, and thought it was a piece of junk, but I loved it so much. I hoped to pass it on to Michelle one day.

“Don’t shit talk the Bug. Sheriff Mason gave me a ride. I don’t know how I’ll get home, or where your truck is, any of that.” I sighed. “I’ll track all that down later, right now, I’m just glad you’re going to be okay.”

“Mmm.”

“Zaira’s on her way up.” I said.

“Oh boy,” he teased, but his voice was tired. “Just what I need.”

“You love her,” I fired back. I was glad he felt up to joking around, even if he sounded tired. It helped me keep a lid on everything I felt.

“I do,” he admitted. Then he looked at me, tears coming to his eyes. “Ella,”

“Virgil.”

“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”

“Stop it, you have nothing to be sorry for.” I said. I didn’t know how to console him.

He sighed, and winced a little.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just short of breath.”

“Should I get a nurse?”

“The doctor said it was normal, I’ll be this way for a while.” He shrugged. “Part of my recovery.”

I nodded. I sat there with him for a long while, neither of us talking much. Occasionally he would wheeze a little bit and my heart would leap into my throat, but he would assure me he was fine. Eventually, a nurse ushered me out and said that I could come back the following day to visit, but Virgil had to get some rest. I kissed Virgil goodbye and made him promise to rest.

I went back down to the waiting room, wondering how I would get home, when I saw Zaira talking to Sheriff Mason. She saw me as I came through the door, and threw her arms around me.

“Oh, El.” She squeezed me so tight I could barely breathe. “How is it?”

“He’s going to be okay, it was a mild heart attack,” I told her. “He’s going to have to rest, and take it easy… but he’s going to be okay.” I realized I was crying. She hugged me again.

After a moment, Sheriff Mason cleared his throat.

“I was hanging around to see if you needed a ride back to your little girl, but I see you’re in good hands with Ms. Ramirez.” Zaira nodded.

“Thank you Sheriff,” I said. “Truly, I’m all right now.” He gave me a nod and went on his way.

“Yes, thank you Sheriff,” Zaira called after him. “What?” she turned to me. “He’s not bad looking.”

“You wouldn’t,”

“I might,” she said. “What now?”

“They kicked me out, said he needed to rest, so back to the homestead, I guess. Thank you for coming.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t leave you on your own to face this. I’m glad he’s going to be okay, though.”

“Me, too.”

The Sheriff was getting in his cruiser as we walked out of the hospital. Zaira twiddled her fingers at him as we climbed into her SUV. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I appreciated the levity, though.

“Where’s Michelle?”

“Devola has her by now,” I said. Zaira nodded. We drove up to LaCera in relative silence, neither of us speaking very much. Our friendship had changed and grown over the years, but one thing was constant: I knew I could count on her, and I was so very grateful to have her. I reached across the seat and gave her hand a squeeze. She squeezed back.

Once at home, I gave myself some time to get settled. Zaira planned to stay the night, so she took her things up to the guest room and then came down and sat with me on the couch.

“How am I going to tell Michelle?” I asked her tearfully.

“Be honest with her, she’s a smart kid.”

I nodded. Michelle was very smart. Precocious, even. But just because she could handle it didn’t mean she should. I took a deep breath and called Devola.

“Hey, uh… I’m home. Virgil’s okay, but he needs to stay in Bell City for a couple of days,” I told her. “Zaira’s here with me.” 

“All right, Evan and the boys just got home. I’ll drop her back over there, but I’m sorry, I can’t stay.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, thank you so very much for watching her.”

“Of course, see you soon.”

Five minutes later, Devola’s old truck pulled up in the slushy driveway. Michelle came flying into the house like a whirling dervish, with Devola trailing behind her.

“Mama, Auntie Devola has an apossum!”

“Opossum,” Devola corrected. “He’s got a bad leg so we’re giving him a little sanctuary until the weather’s nice.”

“He has very soft ears, softer even than CB.”

I smiled weakly. 

“Auntie Zaira’s here, go say hello.” I told Michelle.

“Auntie Zaira!” She ran to the living room.

“Thank you again,” I told Devola.

“Of course, let me know if you need anything. Anything at all.” She gave me a hug. “I have to get back, but we’re praying for you all.”

We said goodnight, and I joined Michelle and Zaira in the living room. Michelle was regaling Zaira with a tail about the fort she and Riley were building in the woods behind Riley’s house.

“Say,” Zaira said. “I’m getting hungry, why don’t I rustle us up some grub?”

“That sounds great,” I said, forcing some brightness into my voice. To Michelle, I said: “Come sit with me, Baby Girl.”

She did, and I struggled for the words. Finally I said:

“I want you to know that Daddy is okay,” I said. “But he had a little accident, and he’s in the hospital in Bell City. He’s going to have to stay there for a few days.” I told her.

“What happened?” She asked.

“Do you understand what a heart attack is?”

“Yes. Like Danielle’s father in Ever After.”

“Yes. Daddy had a heart attack, but his wasn’t very bad, and the smart doctors at the hospital got him all fixed up. Now he just has to stay and rest.” I watched her, but she seemed to be handling it okay. “You can see him tomorrow morning, we’ll go back up there.”

“He’s going to be okay?”

“Yes,” I said softly. “The doctors think he’s going to be just fine.”

Michelle was quiet for a long while, but that’s not terribly unusual. She’s her father’s daughter in every way. She has his nose and eyes, his brown curls, and his sometimes stoic demeanor. 

Finally, she said:

“You promise he’ll be okay?”

I bit my lip, and then I finally decided to do what I could to ease her mind.

“I promise,” I said, kissing the top of her head.

“Okay,” she said, and she sounded so much like Virgil at that moment, I wanted to cry.

I sat on the couch with her for a while as she told me about what she did at her friend Riley’s house, then Zaira called out that dinner was ready.

Zaira was only a slightly better cook than I was, so it was a simple affair, but I was grateful for a warm meal and her presence. After dinner, we called the hospital and spoke with Virgil on the phone for a bit. He talked to Michelle, assuring her that he was okay. Once we hung up, we watched TV for a few hours. It was some silly show with a laugh track, but it beat the sound of my pulse in my ears. I helped Michelle get ready for bed. I read a little bit of one of her books to her, and then got ready to tuck her in.

“Mommy?” she called when I was almost to the door. She rarely called me Mommy any more, usually I was Mama.

“Yeah Baby Girl?”

“Will you stay until I fall asleep?”

“Sure I will,” I said. I climbed into her bed with her and waited until I heard her breathing slow down, falling into a steady rhythm. Once I was sure she was asleep, I crept from her bed, and slipped back downstairs to Zaira.

“Are you hanging in there?” she said to me, setting her phone aside when I came back into the living room.

“By a thread, but yeah.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Me too,” I heaved a great shuddering sigh. “He said last night that he wished we had met each other when we were younger, so we could have loved one another longer,”

“Oh, Ella,” Zaira said. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m terrified of losing him,” I said.

“They said he’s going to be fine,” she soothed.

“Yeah, now… but one day, sooner than I expect, he won’t be, and then…”

“Don’t think about that right now,” she pleaded.

“I can’t help it, Zaira, I’m so scared.” She hugged me tight, rocking me back and forth. 

“It’s going to be okay, he’s going to be fine,” she soothed.

I sobbed into her shoulder. I couldn’t shake the notion that one day Virgil was going to leave me, and I didn’t know what I would do when that happened. He was entwined in who I am as a person, how could I function without him?

At some point, Zaira led me up to my room and put me to bed, much as I had put Michelle to bed. She even laid in bed with me, and each time the tears started again, she would hug me tight.

It was a miserable night and I didn’t sleep much. By the time the sun was up, I was sitting on the couch in the living room, petting CB, who seemed just as lost as I was without Virgil. Zaira came down and we had coffee together before I woke up Michelle. 

The roads were much clearer today and the sun was shining, which made me feel more hopeful than the gray, miserable weather the day before. Zaira drove us, and as we went, I turned back to Michelle.

“You’ll have to be quiet and very gentle with Daddy,” I told Michelle. “He’s going to be very tired and very weak, so you can’t climb on him or anything.”

“Okay,” Michelle said. She was a serious kid, and it was hard to read her, at least for me. Virgil was more attuned to her than I was, so I hoped seeing her wasn’t going to upset him.

“Hey Baby Girl,” he said when we came into his room. His voice was still a little weak and breathless, but better than the day before, and his color was better too. That gave me a little relief. “Hey you,” he said to me, taking my hand and pulling it to his lips.

“Hey you., I said to him. “How are you feeling?”

“Better today,” he said. “Hey Zaira.”

“Hey Virgil,” she gave him a smile.

“Daddy, when are you coming home?”

“The doctor thinks the day after tomorrow.”

“Good.”

There wasn’t much new to talk about, but Michelle filled Virgil in on her adventures with Riley, and the fort they had built in the woods behind Riley’s house. Virgil listened with rapt attention, and I felt tears coming to my eyes again. How could I raise Michelle without him?

Stop it! I scolded myself. He’s going to be fine. The doctor said he would be fine!

I couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts, though. They swirled around in my head, refusing to be silenced.

Finally, Zaira offered to take Michelle down to the cafeteria to get us all ice cream, and I was alone with Virgil.

“You look awful,” he said to me, a ghost of a smile lurking under his mustache.

“I feel awful,” I admitted. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Me either, they never turn the lights off here,” he said.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

 “I want you to retire,” I blurted out.

“What?”

“I… Maybe I’m spiraling, but I keep thinking about… I’m scared that-” I stopped myself. “I’m sorry, now’s not the time.”

“I’m not ready to retire,” he said stubbornly. “I’ve never tried to tell you how to handle your job-” He wheezed.

“Hey, whoa, I’m sorry.” I said. He paused, catching his breath. “I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I just… I’m scared.

“You think I’m not?” He asked softly. “I am.”

 “I just keep thinking, what if…” I trailed off. 

“I’m turning 60 next year, not 100,” he grumbled.

“I just think we should talk about it.” I said gently, backing off a little. “When you get home, maybe.”

“I’m not ready to retire,” he repeated stubbornly. 

I sighed. Financially, we were in good shape, despite what I had said to Cat Benetar the previous morning. My job more than covered our bills. Our home was paid off, Virgil’s trucks were both paid off, and I had paid cash for my Bug in 2003.

After a long, tense silence Michelle and Zaira returned carefully carrying little cups of ice cream. Michelle handed one to Virgil and Zaira one to me. We ate it, and sat with Virgil a while longer, but he focused on Michelle. I could tell there would be no more discussion on the topic of him retiring. 

When the nurse made her rounds, she told us that Virgil had to go in for some more tests and that we could come back to see him the following day.

“I love you, Baby Girl.” he said to Michelle.

“Love you Daddy.”

“I love you, Ella,” he said to me, squeezing my hand.

“I love you.” I said, trying not to cry again.

“Zaira,” he nodded. “I like you.”

“I like you, too,” she said with a small smile. Michelle giggled.

We headed home then, and after a few hours Zaira headed back to New Oxford, because she had to work the next day. We hugged and I promised to keep her appraised of the situation.

“And ask that gossip circle of yours if your sheriff is single,” she called as she backed down the driveway. I truly laughed for the first time since Virgil went to the hospital… But I rolled my eyes, too.

“Do you want to stay home from school tomorrow?” I asked Michelle once she was gone.

“No, I have a big science test.”

“On the first day back after a long weekend? That’s pretty devious of your teacher.”

“She’s not very nice, but Riley and I studied,” Michelle said. “I think I will do well.”

“I know you will,” I said. “I can write a note to your teacher though, and explain what happened to your Daddy. I’m sure she’ll let you make it up.”

“It’s okay, Mama, I’ll be fine.”

I bit my lip.

“Okay, but if you change your mind, even after you get to school, you can call me.” I told her.

“Okay.” I left her to her own devices and went down the hall to my office. I wrote a quick email to my boss explaining that I would be unavailable due to family issues for the next few days. I explained what happened to Virgil and told him where to find the notes from my last few meetings. I leaned back in my chair and tried to take some deep breaths.

My boss, Kevin, emailed me back, urging me to take as much time as I needed. I was grateful for his understanding, but I almost wished he would be a hard ass and tell me to get back to work. I needed something to take my mind off of things.

I spent some time reading through my old journals. I had started keeping them when I was pregnant with Michelle, documenting my journey through motherhood, and then as she grew, I shifted to my life as a wife and mom who was juggling a job that required a lot of travel. I laughed at some of my early thoughts about motherhood. It had been a learning curve for sure. …But then I came to the passage from our 5th wedding anniversary.

Virgil outdoes himself every year, but this year he arranged for Devola to watch Michelle for the weekend, and then we went camping high up in Amber Ridge. It was cold at night, but he packed warm clothes and blankets. We spent three days making love under the stars, swimming in ice cold water, and eating food he cooked over the fire. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I felt the tear snake down my cheek and saw it splash on the page, blurring the ink a little. I set the journal aside. My heart ached terribly with worry and longing.

Later that night, I settled back into the empty bed and tried not to think about the fact that my husband was in the hospital. I didn’t sleep much. I mostly laid there, waiting for daylight.